By Rose Pellar, B.A.S., LL.B
Before the ink is dry on the Divorce Order, many individuals are already in a new relationship and even marriage. One reason for this is that many have become so accustomed to being part of a couple, that they rush to fill the void without first having dealt with full recovery from divorce. Not having a significant other is outside of their comfort zone.
Some may be lucky enough to find the right partner but because of the haste it is really only by sheer luck that they do.
I submit that haste and lack of research is the number one reason for the break-up of second or third marriages. Complications may arise because of step children. Yes, problems can and do often arise, from young children who will live with the new couple full time or part time. Decisions will have to be made relating to how the step-parent will interact with the other’s children, how to deal with the step- children’s other parent, etc.
Just because there are no young children doesn’t mean that the existence of older children presents no difficulty. Older children who may oppose the new relationship may exert pressure on their parent by only coming to visit if their parent’s spouse is away from the home or insist that their parent visit them alone. There may even be veiled or blatant rudeness towards the new spouse. This calls for the new couple to take a united stand but obviously, this is not the ideal situation. It is far better to make sure prior to making a commitment that both sets of children are okay with the relationship and that both sets of children get along well together, no matter what their ages are.
Children, however, are only one part of the equation. The other spouse comes with “baggage” so to speak – the ex-spouse, their families – what do his parents or siblings think of you? Will you be expected to care for aging parents? Are you on the same page respecting finance? Do you share common interests?
These are just a few of the questions which must be addressed before re-marriage in order to avoid the perils and pitfalls of re-marriage and to ensure that your new marriage is a pleasure.
Rose Pellar, B.A.S., LL.B.
Barrister & Solicitor
Pellar Family Law
by Donna Messer
You’re going to attend a networking event; it’s not one you’ve been to before. How do you maximize the time you spend there? Believe it or not, there is a systematic process that can guarantee the ROI you want!
Networking Outside Your Comfort Zone
Opportunity – recognize this is a chance to meet someone new. Do your homework. Find out as much as you can about the organization and the people who attend. Be prepared. Have plenty of business cards.
Understand that most of the people you meet don’t feel all that comfortable either. Networking can be stressful. Chances are you will meet someone who is just as uncomfortable as you. Start your conversation with something simple.
Take time to develop a strategy. Do you want to meet a specific industry sector? Are you in transition? Looking for that next career opportunity? What can make you a valuable connection for those you meet? You have to give before you get!
Strategize – make full use of the new contacts you meet. Follow up is critical to success. Give them something memorable when you follow up. Share a relevant article, a website, or a resource that could be useful.
Integrity is a very important part of networking. Make sure that you do what you say you will. Establish your needs and recognize the needs of others.
Develop a systematic process for networking. I use a simple system that gives me the results I need. I attend networking events after doing my homework. I have plenty of business cards that I hand out when asked. I follow up within a couple of days with the people I’ve met that I would like to keep in touch with. I always give them a gift of someone or something that will be useful to them.
Ethics play a huge part in networking outside your comfort zone. You need to know that the people you meet understand who you are, what is important to you and how you will respond to their next contact. Refer only when there is a comfort level. Take the time to get to know them.
Ethical, effective networking starts by building rapport, it progresses to exchanging relevant information, it moves on to finding profitable solutions where both you and those you meet benefit, and you must always maintains a high level of integrity – making ethics a top priority. Networking outside your comfort zone, works if you use this system.
Networking Expert, International Speaker