By Rose Pellar
Did you ever expect a Divorce Lawyer to talk about keeping love alive? I am on a campaign to help couples keep their love alive because I know that in so many cases, divorce or separation need not happen.
Remember how you felt when you first fell in love with your spouse? You anticipated with excitement the next time you were going to see him. You even took extra care with your appearance and you were more attuned to his needs and desires. You were interested in that person’s goals, his friends, his families and his hobbies. You were both more considerate of each other and wanted to please each other. Do you ever wish you could feel that way again or at least feel you are in a relationship that is alive, if not vibrant?
People, it does not happen on its own. Love takes work. A new relationship takes even more work, so why not invest your time and effort into making that old love new again?
When he talks to you, no matter what the topic…listen, give feed back. Many wives (and husbands too) complain “We don’t talk any more.” People (and husbands and wives are no different) like to feel important. When last did you make your spouse feel important? When last did they make you feel important? Use words of affirmation to each other.
Life can be very hectic and we as individuals get carried away with busyness that we spend little time with the people we care about. This is upside down thinking. The things or people we care about the most deserve our attention the most. Spend quality time with your spouse. Don’t forget date nights!
It feels great to get a gift for Christmas, birthdays and Valentines but doesn’t a gift for no reason at all feel even more wonderful? A gift doesn’t have to be expensive – it could be a cup of coffee – just something that will tell your spouse you thought about him. Give gifts for no reason at all.
What about being of service to your spouse? Maybe ironing his shirt if he usually does that himself or picking up his drug prescription from the store. Make acts of service part of your communication.
Did you used to hold hands, hug and kiss each other? Humans need physical touch in order to thrive. Start being tactile again. A gentle touch on the hand or arm demonstrates caring. Holding hands say “I’m here for you” or “I feel safe with you”.
It may sound as if it’s a one way street, it is not. In order to receive one must first give.
I highly recommend you read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and take action if you want to make your old love new again.
Rose Pellar, B.A.S., LL.B.
Barrister & Solicitor, Notary
Pellar Family Law Professional Corporation